Saturday, September 08, 2007

There comes a time in a man’s life in which he must swallow his pride, humble himself and ask for help. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Blogosphere for me that day is in fact today. Those who have read my posts, have translated my comments, have inserted punctuation where I have refused to use it. Or, deleted, the extra, commas, that I tend to use. Yes ladies and gentlemen I need your help in creating a letter.

The first line in any piece of writing should set the tone for the work at hand.

Please help by selecting the following options..

A) To whom it may concern
B) To My esteemed supervisor and valued colleagues
C) Hey Jerk Wads.

Now to move on to the purpose behind the letter, this should be as positive as possible, showing some of my highlights of the career. With any resignation letter it should also state the effective date of resignation, and any reason for leaving with a positive spin on it.

I am writing to inform you of my impending

A) Resignation
B) Termination of my contract
C) Decision to run as far away from your evil organization as possible.

This is to take effect of today. I would like to say that since I have started working for your company I have

A) Gained many valuable skills, and a heightened level of personal development
B) Collected a vast array of stolen pens, note pads, Company paraphernalia and staplers
C) Been given a positive attitude as I can see how bad life could be if I had to work here for the rest of my life.

However it is time to move on as I have found employment

A) In my dream profession working to serve the community and bring justice to those deserving.
B) Working in a home for the criminally insane and look forward to meeting the management sometime in the near future.
C) Working as a piano player in a hoar house, as this is less embarrassing to tell my friends about.

My time within your company has been
A) an amazing and life enriching experience
B) full of officious and bureaucratic behavior which has caused serious psychological harm
C) just like being drunk, if you don’t see a problem with being drunk, ask a glass of water what it is like.
I would like to take the time to thank the company

A) for the years of training, the good times and friendships I’ve made.
B) For nothing as everything I have done here I have done off my own back
C) For not loosing this piece of correspondence like every other one that I have sent in.

Now the perfect closure

A) Yours sincerely
B) Yours (as in Up) sincerely
C) Cya jerk wads

Aidan I.

There are many people at my job I will miss and I am not truly going on bad terms, many laughs and stupid moments. It is just not me at the best of my abilities, I have a new job which is pending right now… but a man can dream cant he, a man can dream.