Sunday, January 28, 2007


In my dreams I see a beach, it is night time, I can see a few paces in front but from there it all fades to darkness. In front of me I see a trail made of foot prints stretching into the darkness, glowing silver as if lit by the moon, the outline glowing against the darkness. I take a step it lands in the pre made foot print in front, every step lands, as if guided by some unseen force into the pre existing foot steps. I try and hold my feet in position not take that next step but I am pushed on, I reach for the sand to slow the momentum, my actions; futile, the steps must continue on. Every step I take is inevitable and leading inescapably into the ominous darkness.

Please forgive my flair for the melodramatic; however two days ago I was struck with the thought as if for the first time… One day I will grow old and One day I will die. I picture my death bed confession, of social upheaval and the destruction of consumerism at my hand. Then reality kicks in and it will be more along the lines of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."

The stupidest part of it all, was what brought the thought on, something so simple. I saw my mother and fathers wedding photo next to the photo of Stace and I on our wedding day. From there I saw a cycle, another life moving forward, the other life slowing down. Eventually my life will slow down, one day my life will end, all that will be left are photos, bizarre blog posts, and my organs transplanted into those who need them.

I have discussed absurdity previously but I see with a whole new clarity, why live why fight for ideals, if one day all that remains is dust. Yet my resolve is strengthened for the same reasons. One day I won't be here to fight, one day only the memories of the fight will remain. All that I loved will one day cease to be.

Live your life, make your obituary as interesting as possible, one day they may even remember that you were here.

Sunday, January 21, 2007


To whom it may concern,
I am writing this letter as an open resignation from the real world. Please find enclosed the following items, My IPOD, credit cards, and designer underwear. I have found a better position, through a secret portal in my cupboard, to a world full of magic and wonder. With better conditions and better defined boundaries.

In this world it is easy to pick the heroes as they are dressed in white and the villains as they have beards, are followed by sinister music and have shifty eye movements. In our world there are no heroes just people surviving doing what must be done.

In my new world evil is always defeated and the principles of friendship are held in the highest of esteem. Exploitation is only done by the ones with the beards, and those of noble descent truly care for their subordinates. There is no commercialism and people are happy to just spend time with family, money has less value than a beer with your friends in an inn.

The language is simple as long as you remember to add an e on the end of most words. The position is a lot more exciting than my old job in finance, as I get to work with a more diverse section of the community elves, dwarves, wizards, gnomes, and goblins. In addition to meeting new and interesting people I get to quest for damsels in distress on a regular basis, fighting over hill and dale, against a plethora of evil for which I am thanked.

I wish you all the best with the petty squabbles of your common ancestry and hope you can find someone to fill my position as good natured door mat.

Yours sincerely
Aidan

Monday, January 15, 2007

Such a complete balls up. It is really making me testy. Actually it is driving me nuts to say the least.

I have some bad news to share with the Blogging community; yes today my balls dropped.
It hit 40 degrees and the brightly coloured balls of the Galilean Thermometer are at an all time low. The principles of the Galilean Thermometer took a while to work out. I assumed that it would work on density expansion and contraction of the liquid leading the rise and fall of the balls. It took me a whole three days to get my head around it. Stace will attest to my outburst the other day.

The following story is true only the characters, locations and words have been changed because I can't remember exactly what happened...

Act One Scene one
Enter: Aidan the hero of the play and his beautiful and buxom wife Stacy.

Stacy: 22 across Tatting is back in olde Calcutta
Aidan: (Yelling) the density of the surrounding fluid.
Stacy: huh?
Aidan: The Thermometer, I know how it works. Change the density of the fluid it is all suspended in.. not the balls. I am an idiot.
Stace: Lace
Aidan huh?
Stace 22 across is lace
Aidan: I am glad we had this conversation.


The principals of buoyancy.
Buoyancy is an upwards force generated by the displacement of a fluid. (ever wondered why ships weights are given in displacement?) Buoyancy will be driven by two factors the volume of the object (balls) and the density of the fluid (what they are floating in).

Analogy: a hot air balloon, as we all know hot air rises, ( if you believe this you will believe anything, hot air does not, contrary to popular opinion have the ability to levitate, it is merely displaced by the cooler denser air.) it is "rising" due to the surrounding medium being significantly cooler (denser) than the air contained within the balloon. Less dense goes up… Now lets keep the density in the balloon the same and change the background (the air around)…. If we reduce the density to such a level that the surrounding air is less dense than that of the balloon the balloon will descend. Are you with me so far? In this analogy you can see the back ground responsible for the fall of the balloon.

Galilean Thermometer: Each ball in the solution has the exact same shape and displaces the same amount of fluid… however contained in each ball is a different weight of coloured liquid. The weight force (downward) remains constant for each of the coloured balls. Each of these are kept afloat by buoyancy… As the temperature increases the density of the surrounding fluid decreases, and therefore the amount of fluid displaced decreases. As a result of the reduction of fluid displacement the net upward force is reduced (less buoyant), the force becomes a net downward force (weight (down force) > buoyancy (upforce)) and the ball sinks. Simple.

Friday, January 12, 2007



In the darkest of times there have always been heroes. Lancelot in the dark
ages, Joan of Arc against the English, people who have always shined through and
been a example of times of peril. Their acts Selfless and noble, fighting for a
cause that they believed in. As we progressed so did our heroes, war created
heroes to bring hope to soldiers facing overwhelming odds, the socialist agenda
created those who would sacrifice a life filled with wanton hedonism: to better
the human race through science (Watson & Crick, Blaise Pascal, Isaac Newton, and
big Papa E), or social progress (Mother Teresa, Bill Gates) or both (Fred
Hollows).

Then along came the action figure; heroes immoratalised in plastic...
Plastic versions of our great heroes, the selfless acts of GI Joe defending the
free world from Communism and sharing. Barbie Dolls showing the young women of
our generation that even the blondest and biggest breasted could still be
doctors and Lawyers. We could recreate adventures and feelings of hope, we could
prove to the prosthetic world that there was a little hero in all of us, and the
forces of evil were no match for our spring loaded Weapons of Mass destruction.

Now our heroes side with the enemy. The biggest offender is of course the Bratz
doll. Selfless acts replaced with consumerism. A compliant consumer, looking the
same as all her friends, with no greater aspirations than to look pretty and
purchase happiness. Gone are acts of bravery; gone are acts of kindness to make
the world a better place. We are left with Bimbos whose sole purpose is too look
like everyone else, talk like everyone else, and consume like everyone else. IS
this the role model we should be giving our youth?

My favorite action figure: The Albert Einstein doll comes with action cardigan
and chalk to fight the forces of calculus. I have a strange feeling that Albert
has been assembled from other products, a troll doll head and the body of a Ken
doll that had let itself go. This is the role model we should give our kids.

Albert Einstein March 14 1879- April 18 1955.
Nobel prize recipient in 1921 for physics, and best known for the theory
E=MC2*(super script and blogger don't mix)
*Better known as Einstein went to the Moscow Circus Twice.*

Which relates energy and mass in the universe and explains how energy is
transferred in nuclear Fission reactions... small loss of mass = heap of energy
due to the speed of light square.

This may also explain why Second hand bookshops become a black hole which no
book can escape.. Knowledge=power=energy=Mass.... Mass distorts the region of
space-time and attracts more matter. Hence why second hand bookshops
(collection of knowlege) take great lengths (cracked floors, dimly lit, and
dank) to not actually sell any books, as it may adversely effect the space-time
continuum.

We are in times of turmoil.... a world of apathy and selfishness. Our world is
slowly destroying itself, evil runs unchecked, people cry out in the night but
no one comes to their aid. The heroes of old are dead and gone, leaving only a
memory of times in which we had hope, now we know there is none left. We need a
new hero; a hero who shrugs off consumerism, who is happy to wear non designer,
who questions everything, who is not content just to watch the world destroy
itself... If he existed would the masses even listen.

Solution: The bureaucrat action figure; more powerful than an electric stapler,
able to chop red tape in a single swipe, equipped with a bullshit awareness
sensor... someone who could reform the system a give us hope once again.

Until then, I will continue to play with Albert and his bizarre love triangle
with Barbie and her open-minded twin sister.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

My first actual non list orientated post for the year… I had started on a lengthy rant on the dangers on consumerism and its relation to the Albert Einstein action figure on my bench. However, given my tendencies to follow a random tangent at any given opportunity it became a post of my first romantic deed for the year…

/* warning MUSHINESS to follow*/

Breakfast in bed: an easy option to impress the one you love, something simple such as toast or cereal served on a tray, flowers and Tea from Raffles tea room (Singapore).. delivered by scantily clad waiter with a dint in his chest.. (Aside: I have a deformed sternum it is sunk nearly 6cm from my ribs and applies pressure to my lungs)..

So the scene is set the woman awaits patiently unknowing of the delicious cornucopia of gastronomic splendour that awaits her. Until the phone rings, she is out of bed, she up, and decides to shower. Breakfast in bed and impromptu romance is destroyed…

As it is said "If Mohammad wont go to the mountain, the mountain must come to Mohammad."

If my wife wont go to the bed, the bed must be reassembled around the dining table.


Breakfast in bed without the bed....

What a great start to 2007, I am young, alive and I have an incredibly beautiful wife who I love more than anything else in the world. This is shaping up to be a great year for the both of us.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007


The bloody unbelievable Aidan's unpredictable predictions for 2007-01-02

Politics

1. America will bomb another place half of their population can't find on the map and the other half can not pronounce.

2. Australia will help in the interest of "national security".

3.The citizenship test will be implemented.

4. All free thinking Australians will fail.

5. John Howard will move the last foot, and disappear entirely up George Bush's Arse.


Celebrities

1. Britney will remarry

2. Britney will divorce

3. One and two will happen again.

4 A someone will come forward claiming to be the only man not to sleep with Paris Hilton

5. No one will believe him.

6. Dan Brown will photocopy another best seller.


Stars and Weather.


1. The drought will break in march.

2. A comet will destroy Canberra

3. No one will notice.


Personal.

1 I will write at least one concise blog entry with some kind of relevance to society or the world at large.

2. it will be accidentally deleted.

3. I will draw ever closer to my schemes of world domination.

General…

1. The world will continue to turn. We will horde the resources that could make the world a better place, and ignore the pleas of those who need us the most. We (as a race) will remain, as always self absorbed and driven by consumerism. I guess not that much has changed since last year.