/* I was struggling to write this particular post, so looked for suggestions for format from the floor the greatest challenge being an instruction manual… so here is*/
How to assemble 65,000 dollars for charity…..
Step one: Kiss your beautiful wife for the last time for the week, hold her as she becomes teary, tell her that you love her, and leave before showing too much emotion.
Step two: Taking two large boots, use the pedals in the Automobile (batteries not included) to propel yourself towards the starting position of the event; which also happens to share the same name as a collection of livestock….
Step three: On arrival pour a large amount of concrete into your mattress, as this will provide a more comfortable alternative to cheap hotel mattress. Watch the final on TV (in platinum pack) with your father and the good doctor. Watch until tired, retire to concrete bedding.
Step one: Roll out of bed, slide on bike shorts these should fit snugly to produce the maximum size bulge around the groin region, raise arms and lower ride shirt over chest, Ride shirt should be the most gaudy green colour available, one to maximise visibility for passing vehicles, and to make as unattractive as possible to the opposite/same sex.
Step Two: follow your father's directions to the adventure park, the starting location of the adventure, perfectly and end up on the wrong part of the island, call your mother for more accurate instructions, arrive at start point 10 minutes later than expected.
Step three: Saddle up and ride, turn the pedals over for the first 30 kilometres to Grantville for Morning Tea, set a pace of 27 Km per hour (average). Remember to wipe the beads of sweat from your face when required, and keep the fluids up.
Step four: ride on until you reach Warrigal, approximately 104 km from your starting position sometime in the afternoon, attempt to remove bike seat from butt checks, if this cannot be removed don’t worry as it will become lodged again on the next day…
Step five: Kick back at the BBQ sink several beers, retire for the evening, and thank your home hosts for there hospitality, compare their book collection to your own.
Step one: Form up for the ride, if you pretend that your bike shorts don’t smell no one will notice that they still contain the sweat of 104 km from the day before. Head towards the Highway.
Step two: outside of Drouin you should encounter a stretch of road with an incline over a length of road of three kilometres, at approximately a 30 degree angle to the road surface, this should be attacked in a low gear and accompanied by much profanity and sweating.
Step three: Dress one of the exchange students in a 2.5 m high giraffe costume, for Life Education Victoria, ride into the school to the cheers of all the kids, watch as they smile and wave, feel six foot tall and rocket proof for a fleeting moment in your life.
Step four: ride out from the school, ringing your bell like a madman, and back to the highway, continue on for the town of
More to follow…. And hopefully dad emails the photos on….
Coming up…. The Tour De Sale bike ride and synchronised swimming event, the good doctor blow-out sale, and the 112 km short cut.