Monday, March 26, 2007

/* I was struggling to write this particular post, so looked for suggestions for format from the floor the greatest challenge being an instruction manual… so here is*/

How to assemble 65,000 dollars for charity…..

Day one:

Step one: Kiss your beautiful wife for the last time for the week, hold her as she becomes teary, tell her that you love her, and leave before showing too much emotion.

Step two: Taking two large boots, use the pedals in the Automobile (batteries not included) to propel yourself towards the starting position of the event; which also happens to share the same name as a collection of livestock…. Cowes.

Step three: On arrival pour a large amount of concrete into your mattress, as this will provide a more comfortable alternative to cheap hotel mattress. Watch the final on TV (in platinum pack) with your father and the good doctor. Watch until tired, retire to concrete bedding.

Day two:

Step one: Roll out of bed, slide on bike shorts these should fit snugly to produce the maximum size bulge around the groin region, raise arms and lower ride shirt over chest, Ride shirt should be the most gaudy green colour available, one to maximise visibility for passing vehicles, and to make as unattractive as possible to the opposite/same sex.

Step Two: follow your father's directions to the adventure park, the starting location of the adventure, perfectly and end up on the wrong part of the island, call your mother for more accurate instructions, arrive at start point 10 minutes later than expected.

Step three: Saddle up and ride, turn the pedals over for the first 30 kilometres to Grantville for Morning Tea, set a pace of 27 Km per hour (average). Remember to wipe the beads of sweat from your face when required, and keep the fluids up.

Step four: ride on until you reach Warrigal, approximately 104 km from your starting position sometime in the afternoon, attempt to remove bike seat from butt checks, if this cannot be removed don’t worry as it will become lodged again on the next day…

Step five: Kick back at the BBQ sink several beers, retire for the evening, and thank your home hosts for there hospitality, compare their book collection to your own.

Day Three:

Step one: Form up for the ride, if you pretend that your bike shorts don’t smell no one will notice that they still contain the sweat of 104 km from the day before. Head towards the Highway.

Step two: outside of Drouin you should encounter a stretch of road with an incline over a length of road of three kilometres, at approximately a 30 degree angle to the road surface, this should be attacked in a low gear and accompanied by much profanity and sweating.

Step three: Dress one of the exchange students in a 2.5 m high giraffe costume, for Life Education Victoria, ride into the school to the cheers of all the kids, watch as they smile and wave, feel six foot tall and rocket proof for a fleeting moment in your life.

Step four: ride out from the school, ringing your bell like a madman, and back to the highway, continue on for the town of Sale…. Bunk into a cheap caravan park for the night, share in fellowship with the other riders, sink several refreshing ales, down by the Port of sale, over a BBQ with 50 other riders… Sing loudly and proudly, at some point call your wife to say you miss her... Find out she just misses your cooking.

More to follow…. And hopefully dad emails the photos on….

Coming up…. The Tour De Sale bike ride and synchronised swimming event, the good doctor blow-out sale, and the 112 km short cut.



Blogger Keshi said...

WOW that must have been some adventure ha? COOL!

**at some point call your wife to say you miss her... Find out she just misses your cooking


hey I like the IKEA IDEA ;-)

so u must be really fit now? Wish i could do some of this stuff...atleast a 1/4 of what u did...ur a champion!


4:24 PM  
Blogger Frank Baron said...

Jeepers. I had to go lie down twice just from reading.

There's a lot to be said for getting old. Nobody expects you to do stuff like insert a bike seat betwixt your cheeks for several hours at a time.

Although I probably would look darn hot in spandex.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Stace said...

It's not my fault you're such a good cook! I was living on grapes and popcorn for a week!!! But I did miss you, and I'm proud of you :)

5:15 PM  
Blogger Aidan said...

thanks Keshi, just jump on the bike and go, you will get used to it soon enough.... it is a great way to exercise.

Fit? i actually put on 2 kilos, i am now a staggering 65 kg:)

Frank: gday from Aus, I have heard alot about you from stace and used to read "baron it all" on a regular basis... If you havnt guessed i am the husband of Stace:)

Thanks for the mental image of the spandex

5:30 PM  
Blogger Aidan said...

Stace: thanks honey.... I missed you too, and cooking for you:)

5:47 PM  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

I am exhausted just reading this and I hope that you have burned those shorts by now.
I am thrilled that you are still alive and that stace will not starve to death.

8:58 PM  
Blogger Jewel said...

Welcome home, Aidan! Glad to see you survived and I look forward to pictures! And I'm afraid I have to agree with HE...sure hope you made a burnt offering of those bike shorts! *smile*

10:48 AM  
Blogger Aidan said...

HE and Jewel: the bikes shorts are still kicking on, much to the disatisfaction of those behind me on the road....

Pictures are to follow for days 3-7.......


2:43 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...

u have put on? HOW??


6:00 PM  
Blogger Aidan said...

Keshi: just muscle i think.... I lost it again weighed myself last night back to 63:(

6:04 PM  
Blogger Menchie said...

Like HE said, it sounded so tiring but also sounded like you had a blast! So welcome back!

I've gone and decided to start boxing next week. :P

6:47 PM  
Blogger Aidan said...

MEnchie: Hey... Find some stairs and the rocky sound track....

Boxing is great for cardio vascular health, not to mention hand eye coordination.... sounds great:)

7:13 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...

lol ur so sweet!

Stace can help u to put that weight on na...she can cook for ya now ;-)


7:45 PM  
Anonymous Hildegarde said...

Well written in a humourous Ikea style : new and original, so I can see that your brain hasn't melted (or didn't melt or whatever, this is a hard piece of grammar) during the ride ! Good of you, you made it, curious about the photos too.

10:33 AM  
Anonymous andrew said...

112km SHORTCUT??????
Welcome back, I'm looking forward to read the next installment.

4:21 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...

Aidan Aidan Aidan :)


9:37 PM  
Blogger Aidan said...

Hildegarde: photos are on the next post, dad used a nikon d80, and is a massive camera and photography buff, next time we catch up i will direct him to your site:)

Andrew: hey GDay, 112 in total, 88 was intentional, the rest was a detour:)

KESHI: oi oi oi

12:36 AM  
Blogger Keshi said...

Aussie Aussie Aussie!

hooroo :)

5:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are absolutely right. In it something is also idea excellent, agree with you.

3:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, really. So happens. Let's discuss this question. Here or in PM.

7:17 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home