Friday, November 24, 2006

I am getting married in approximately 6 hours, so this will be my final post as a single man. I thank everyone for there kind thoughts, and please have a beer for Stace and I tonight.

Toot Toot Chugga Chugga Big Red Car- By The Wiggles

1 Toot Toot chugga chugga big red car
well travel near and well travel far
toot toot chugga chugga big red car were gunna ride the whole day long!

Murrys in the back seat playing his guitar.
5 Murrys in the back seat of the big red car.
toot toot chugga chugga big red car
well travel near and well travel far
toot toot chugga chugga big red car
were gunna ride the whole day long!

10 Jeff is fast asleep hes havin a little rest
we better wake him up so lets all car out WAKE UP JEFF!
toot toot chugga chugga big red car well travel near and well travel far
toot toot chugga chugga big red were gunna ride the whole day long!

Anthony is eating hes got soo much food
15 hes eating apples and oranges and fruit salad too!
toot toot chugga chugga big red car well travel near and well travel far
toot toot chugga chugga big red were gunna ride the whole day long!

Greg is doing the driving singing Shoobie Doowa
Greg is doing the driving of the big red car!
20Toot toot chugga chugga big red car well travel near and well travel far
toot toot chugga chugga big red car were gunna ride the whole day long!

This is the first canto of the wiggles uncompleted masterwork, entitled TOOT TOOT Chugga Chugga big red car. One of the most complicated pieces created by the skivie wearing poets The Wiggles. It is not only complicated rhythmically but also in the sublety in which the writer broaches on some of the more pressing issues of public safety.
Line 1-3 The use of colloquial language truly highlights this under rated authors intended audience. The word Chugga is used to great effect to conjure images of the working man, lost in the fifth beer of the evening, and then contemplating the drive home.

Line 4: " Murrys in the back seat playing his guitar" the dangers of distractions while driving should not be understated. The clever double play by the writer here is so very subtle; only one with a deep understanding of the writers work could ever hope to grasp, in the use of the back seat reference the writer also shows his feelings to recent changes to VSU (volunteer student unionism) where the arts have truly taken a backseat to other courses. This is a topic of conversation known to be dear to our writers heart.

Line 10 " Jeff is fast asleep he's having a little rest" Public safety is once again proving to be the primary focus, the dangers of narcolepsy in public has had very little media attention of late. But is obviously still weighing heavily on the writers mind due to personal tragedy. The main characteristic of narcolepsy is overwhelming excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS), even after adequate night time sleep. A person with narcolepsy is likely to become drowsy or to fall asleep, often at inappropriate times and places. Daytime naps may occur with or without warning and may be irresistible. These naps can occur several times a day. They are typically refreshing, but only for up to a couple hours.* The effects can be seen through out the wiggles work, shown here only in part for a more detailed look at some of the wiggles underground work entitled "Wake up Jeff" a sad and sometimes disturbing look at a Narcolepsy sufferer.

Line 14-15: We come back once again to public awareness and safety, but not in an immediate sense. A healthy diet is preventative for many forms of cancer, in particularly colon cancer. High levels of fibre lead to reduce "transit" time and reduced exposure to potential carcinogens. A good source of fibre is fruit which the writer stresses in the diet " hes eating apples and oranges and fruit salad too".. There is a second point made in this unique couplet that of the dangers of Obesity, the stress is on the word food in line 14, bringing our attention to the dangers of over consumption, cleverly this is also set within a car, the trade mark of the western world, we are over consuming in more was than one. The excessive nature of the western world is shown in lines 3, 9, 13, 17, 21.. The car is driven needlessly for the whole day purely for enjoyment with no consideration of the potential negative effects on the environment. In a single year a standard vehicle produces 4.3 tonnes of CO on average, a larger vehicle such as the big red car will produce much more.

Line 18 "Greg is doing the driving," driver fatigue one of the greatest killers on Victorian roads after speeding and alcohol. We see Greg unsafe promoting unsafe driving habits by not resting every 2 hours, sharing the driving, it is dangerous and inconsiderate of his passengers. Our writer makes the dangers obvious to reinforce safe driving practices.
Sometimes I wonder is I do think too much
*Clearly ripped off from Wikipedia ( I hope they don’t mind)

Thank you for all the comments on the previous post, I will hopefully get a chance to respond before taking off for beautiful South Africa tomorrow . Thank you for all your well wishes it means a lot to Stace and I. Take care see you all in a month.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

It is now only 3 days until the wedding and I need to relax, the stress is high, the butterflies have morphed into winged elephants I breathe in and release the meditative mantra… ommmmmmmm
This is a nice lead into Ohms law and the circuitry of life.
V=IR Voltage is equal to Current (I) multiplied by the Resistance in ohm. For any constant voltage, current and resistance will be inversely proportional…I now intend to prove that this is applicable not only to electronics but to the masses.

Electronics 101:
How to understand a circuit. I struggle to think in terms of the intangible, infinite number of electrons belting round a circuit at break neck speeds so I take a simple analogy, and the world becomes less complicated.

From this point in time…
Battery is now known as a UN Peace keeper Camp.
Current is the number of soldiers passing a point per second
Voltage will be measured in mars bars.
And resistance is merely the size of the swamp to traverse.

Rules of engagement.(ROE)
1 every soldier will be issued with the same number of mars bars
2 every soldier must consume all of the mars bars on the round trip
3 no soldier will deviate from the patrol routes defined on the diagram
4 if there is a junction in the paths it at the soldier's discretion as to which path to take.

In a series (no choice) circuit:
All soldiers are issued the same number of mars bars from the base camp and head out on patrol, They approach the first swamp and consume the number of mars bars they need to get them across. As the current (number of soldiers) is constant the amount of mars bars consumed will vary due to the size of the swamp. V=IR if R goes up so must V, directly proportionate. If more swamps are put into the patrol route, it will decrease inversely proportionate. In short current is a constant but voltage is shared across the resistors. True to life, more swamps that people need to cross the less people will to do so, except for the one or two oddities who scream out "I love swamps" and march happily out.

In a parallel (choices) circuit all soldiers still leave with the same number of mars bars… they travel along and come to a fork in the road. To the left is a path with 50 swamps, on the right a path with 100 swamps. On either path the same number of mars bars will be consumed (roe) , but the number of soldiers taking each path will depend on the number of swamps. Being Lazy in the UN most soldiers take the path with the least number of swamps. The two crazies screaming I love swamps the rest saying screw that I am taking the bridge. If the number of mars bars are the same (V), then the number of soldiers (I) will be inversely proportionate to the Resistance. (R) If R goes up less soldiers will take that path. The Path of Least resistance.

Humans and the Path of Least Resistance.
Everyday we are given choices of what to do with the day. Do we chat with our partner or do we watch TV in silence? Do we work hard, or watch others pick up the slack? Do we reduce the amount of CO2 that we produce each day by riding to work or taking public transport instead of driving? Do we think for ourselves or let the media do it for us? Do we do something proactive about the socio economic unfairness facing the world, or do we just cheer when others finally make the effort? How many projects have you put off because you couldn’t find the time? Do we live our lives to the best of our ability or do we merely take the path of least resistance?

Friday, November 10, 2006

[Deep voice over]
New start chat is proudly brought to you by……
Tonka… the ultimate Christmas gift… or don’t you love your children enough?


Diva.. Spend 30 dollars or more on our tween range and your first Planned Parenthood meeting is free.

Theme music plays, applause……

[Host] welcome back, as promised we have a very special guest tonight. The creator of such thoughts as, "Everyone else is having sex bare me", and "I didn’t yet the job because of my religion". Every ones favourite anthropomorphic personification Paranoia.. Welcome to the show.

[Paranoia] It's good to be back…stares… what is that lump on your neck?

[Host]What lump?

[Paranoia]That little grey scaly one, don’t stress i am sure it is nothing cancerous. Guess they all say that at some point, then well you know..

[Host]What, what happens, who says that?

[Paranoia]You know they, them the opposite of us.

[Host]Ah oh ok, moving along… touches neck

[Paranoia]Don’t worry you can barely notice it… stares at neck….. not like that hair piece. Most of the front row has noticed it, the two girls down the end are giggling at it, or maybe it was just that witty remark you made, guess we will never know.

[Host]Re positions hair piece… Last time we saw you was shortly after Cronulla, some of your better work if you don’t mind me saying so, how on earth did you turn people so quickly, I think that’s what people are really wanting to know? It only took two years then people were diving for cover at the sight of a turban, people starting fights with people who didn’t even fit the stereotype, but did just for that day… amazing stuff.

[Paranoia]Actually I can't take all the credit for that one; I had a lot of help from my friends Fear and Miss Information., a lovely set of girls. All we had to do is associate the turban with murder and terrorism, make their customs seem alien and incompatible. The media were great in that one, people like to be afraid and feel like they are winning a war no matter how intangible the enemy. WE had to show vast armies of enemies franticly firing machine guns in the air, not the boring non paper selling Muslims, like Cab drivers, lawyers and surgeons, make the religion look a bit rough round the edges, show the older parts of the Koran, the death and suffering parts… Little saying that start with everyone knows… Then all we needed was one little spark and off it went.

[Host]Surely people would think back to all the Muslims they had known, the non paper selling ones, back before they had always been the enemy?

[Paranoia]Think… think that's were fear comes in. they react first and then think. Self preservation is the strongest natural urge. Fear drives it, the body cannot put fear to good use, as it converts it to anger as the adrenalin rises, it is all so simple.

[Host]Ok playing on racism and peoples small minded tendencies is one thing, but turning people against their own government that is an achievement.

[Paranoia]Hey those two girls that were laughing at your hair piece they have moved on they are now laughing at the purple shirt.


[Paranoia]Don’t mind me I am just observant, I think it is great that you feel that comfortable with your own sexuality to wear purple.

[Host]What's wrong with purple? pulls at collar

[Paranoia]Against politicians and corporations is easy. It comes down to what is easier to believe for the common man, personal responsibility and ones own capabilities. Bad things happen to good people; people get laid off, children starving in far away lands, destruction of the environment. It conjures up ideas of smoky rooms; full of rich, powerful and bored men; plotting and scheming. It is easier than thinking of people like you and I, people with kids, torturers have families; even totalitarian dictators still love their children. It is just a part of human nature to deny what we are capable of. Not to mention everyone loves a good conspiracy.

[Host]What about when I feel the whole world is out to get me, how do you pull that one off?

[Paranoia]Are you trying to be taken seriously as a journalist, I am sure it wont last long.. I just play to the ego of people, you are of course the centre of the universe, even god watches your every action, He keeps tabs on how many times you swear and bat off. If everything revolves around us, why shouldn’t the conspiracy? An example a man on train writing in a blue note book stolen from work, looks at you, smiles and goes back to writing in the book, you automatically believe he is writing about you, not what was out the window behind you.

[Host]We are running out of time, before we go what's next for you?

[Paranoia]Politics there is always room for more paranoia in politics especially around election times, maybe another leadership challenge never know who wants your job Johnny.

[Host]Everyone lets here it for paranoia.

Applause cut to commercial.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Thanks for your time mr howard.
after the break we have a fantastic guest, all the way from a political tour of The western world Paranoia.... but to take us to the break here is the Sisters of Mercy CHoir with a song which is the entry for one of the writers wedding..... "a change in my life"

* queue music*

Standing cold and scared on top of the hill
Then came the moment when I lost my will
I prayed for mercy please don't take me away
Give me the sunshine when I only see rain
The past had a hold on me
It can't be denied
And the changes didn't come easily

I've been lonely, I've been cheated, and I've been misunderstood
I've been washed up, I've been put down, and told I'm no good
But with you I belong
Because you helped me be strong
There's been a change in my life since you came along

Now I don't mind working hard every day
And I don't pay no mind to what people say
‘Cause after all the pain I've been through
I gave up everything to love only you
See, all my life I've walked with my head bent in shame
But since I found you, with you I've been made

I've been lonely, I've been cheated, and I've been misunderstood
I've been washed up, I've been put down, and I've been told I'm no good
But with you I belong
Because you helped me be strong
There's been a change in my life since you came along

Now a man gets crazy when his life is all wrong
And the heart gets a little weary when it doesn't belong
And the road gets a little bit rocky but you've got to keep on
And let the new light shining on you

I've been lonely, and I've been cheated, and I've been misunderstood
I've been washed up, and I've been put down, and I've been told I'm no good
But with you I belong
Because you helped me be strong
There's been a change in my life since you came along

Can you see it (well I can see your love around me)
Can you hear it (I hear it in my heart)
Can you feel it (well I can feel the power around me)
Let the new light come shining on me

I've been lonely, and I've been cheated, and I've been misunderstood
I've been washed up, and I've been put down, and I've been told I'm no good
But with you I belong
Because you helped me be strong
There's been a change in my life since you came along

Saturday, November 04, 2006

While the cats away….

The mice will… listen to heavy metal music, play computer games, drink beer and feast on seafood.
The closest we ever came to breaking up was very early on in the piece, I offered Stace a prawn from the dish I was eating… and she said
"Sorry, I don't like seafood"
I was taken quite a back, my mind starts to pulse.. "You don’t like seafood?" what if this become serious a life with out seafood, no prawns, oysters, crayfish, muscles, panic sets in.. I calmed down, I knew I could eat seafood when ever we went out. It would be ok, I could still eat it at home, we just wouldn't eat it together. I was ok with this, time passes and we move in together. It was great, fun times, many laughs, and lots of romantic misunderstandings. But no seafood in the house.

Stace is currently up with the out laws celebrating Wool Week in her home town. SO it has been nothing but heavy metal, beer and Seafood Paella.

In order to make a good paella. Firstly crank the heavy metal to full volume, a good selection should involve, Nine Inch Nails, Slipknot, Korn, Anthrax, Machine Head, Cradle of Filth, and some Rammstein to be fully multi cultural.

Open a bottle of Carlton draught, and shuck a half dozen oysters, these should be enjoyed over 20 mins or so. Oysters may only be served natural, Kilpatrick should be banned under international law, as it destroys the natural flavour and texture of the oyster.

For the paella, in the pot, add 3 cups of fish stock, one cup of water, and a teaspoon of saffron. Heat over medium to medium-high heat. Open and consume a beer.

In a frying pan, add a table spoon of olive oil, cook fillets of firm white fish but into 2 cm cubes until golden turning after a minute. Take fish from the pan, place it on plate.

TO the frying pan add a little more oil, slice onion, 2 cloves of crushed garlic, cook until the onion is soft and clear. Add two cups of rice, a can of diced tomatoes and a teaspoon of paprika. Add half of the fish stock mix to the frying pan, shake the pan to allow the solution to filter through the rice, cook uncovered on medium heat for 10 mins or until the solution is absorbed.

Add a hand full of green prawn cutlets, rings of squid, and several de bearded muscles to the mix push them into the rice mix, keep adding the fish stock mix at five minute intervals, half a cup at a time, until you run out of mix, approx 25 mins…. Add the fish and half a cup of frozen peas. Open and consume a beer.

Allow to stand for 5 mins, serve with fresh black pepper and beer.

The final step is cleaning up the mess you made before she gets home, which is in approximately 5 hours….. wonder how much I can fit in the cupboard?