Thursday, September 28, 2006

Look on the floor it’s a sponge, it's a mop…… No its super fiancé….
Mild mannered consumer finance consultant and blogger extraordinaire by day….

Super grime fighter by night;

More cleaning action than detergent, greater scrubber than those found on the streets of St Kilda, Able to remove tough syrup stains with a single swipe. He fears no dish, there is no meal he cannot prepare, the unstoppable powerhouse in the kitchen…

In today's Episode…. The evil Doctor Dentro has inflicted serious pain on our damsel in distress, "I have a filling you would be dropping in, mwah ha ha haha" The evil doctor laughs maliciously.

Our damsel watches helplessly as her teeth are scraped and filled, "will I ever chew again," she cried. Our hero dashes to the aid, of the beautiful buxom blonde bombshell. "Never Fear super fiancé is here" he cries as he gallantly prances (in a very masculine way), towards her.

It is too late, the filling is complete, all is lost, all he can do is drag her to bachelor cave… "I need 500 grams of jelly stat," barks super fiancé, "and ice cream dammit, where is it?". The blonde bombshell is nursed back to health, Doctor Dentro escapes to fight once again in a even more sinister battle but super fiancé will be ready always on guard for those he loves.

All is well in the universe, Super fiancé gets the girl, (when her teeth are fixed), but what ho a knock…

Its captain best mate, and super fiancés only weakness steak and beer….

Will out hero avoid temptation? What is the mystery ingredient in the veggie lasagne? Why is abbreviation such a long word? Answers to these questions and more in the next instalment of super fiancé………

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

The battle of Stalingrad.

Unknown private.
Dear diary, It has been three days straight in this hole, the shells are continuous, I haven't slept, I am down to the last three rounds. I have never been so frightened, every explosion, shakes the shit out of me. Think I would be used to it by now.. The Germans push up, we push them back, surrender is no longer an option, if we stay still we die, if we try and run we die, it is a choice between bullets. I wrote a will yesterday, bequeathing all my belongings to my mother and father; I know I will never see them again. Another push, wish me luck.
November 25th 1942

Artillery Officer Ivan Fyodorovich.
Dear Sir,
I write in concern of recent targets given to members of my battalion on the 25th of November 1942. My major concern is the proximity of all targets in relation to our ground forces. Radio signals from the front indicate the majority of our fire has been falling on the wrong half of the city causing needless causalities amongst our ranks. More detailed intelligence is required to avoid needless episodes of friendly fire.

With All due respect
Artillery Officer Ivan Fyodorovich
25th of November 1942

Commander Aleksandr Vasilyevskiy.
To whom it may concern,
I write this letter to inform you of my displeasure at the selection of red wines that are available in the officers mess, we are currently entertaining a British officer, who for the sake of security will remain nameless. The support of the British is vital to the war effort, and it is insulting to all those involved if we cannot properly entertain our allies diplomats. Please in future maintain an adequate selection, or I shall be forced to pursue the mater further.
Commander Aleksandr Vasilyevskiy
November 25, 1942

Aidan in a brief and poorly worded essay.
The battle of Stalingrad was possibly the bloodiest conflict in human history, both sides soviet and the axis forces lost in the order of 750,000 men. The city itself was nearly destroyed during the German bombing campaign. This was then followed up by intensive shelling from the axis forces. 90% of the city was captured until the soviet counter attack code named operation Uranus. The German allies had become spread too thin across the defensive line and easily succumb to the Russian counter attack.

The over all victor: the Russians
German forces consisted of Germany, Italy, Romania and Hungary.
The soviets stood alone.
German Casaulties 740,000 killed or wounded, 110,000 captured
Soviet 750,000+ killed, wounded or captured, 40,000+ civilian dead
Aidan 27th of September 2006.

Imagine trying to explain my point of view to the unknown private.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Attention fellow citizens…
As the new minister for music in Homo Escapeons Marxist (Groucho) and Leninist (John) empire, I should lay down some ground rules

1. Firstly Rap is outlawed, talking is not singing.
2. Techno is outlawed, as are DJs, I don’t care how well they can press the play button on the machine.
3. Girl groups are to be returned to the cloning vat from which they came.
4. Music will accept a restraining order against reality TV, Reality TV is to have no contact with music, talk about music, or create any show about music.
5. The recorder is not an instrument, regardless if played nasally.
6. Rock achieved perfection in the seventies so saith the minister
7. Individuality will not be defined by the contents of the Ipod
8. Punk rock, reached perfection with the Ramones.
9. All music with have soul and substance, 13 year olds signing about how painful a break up is, and who she hooked up with the next night will also be outlawed.
10. The unofficial Anthem for sporting events will be Punk Rock song By BAD RELIGION.


have you been to the desert?
have you walked with the dead?
there's a hundred thousand children being killed for their bread

and the figures don't lie they speak of human disease
but we do what we want and we think what we please

have you lived the experience?
have you witnessed the plague?
people making babies sometimes just to escape
in this land of competition the compassion is gone
yet we ignore the needy and we keep pushing on
we keep pushing on

this is just a punk rock song
written for the people who can see something's wrong
like ants in a colony we do our share
but there's so many other fuckin' insects out there
and this is just a punk rock song
(like workers in a factory we do our share
but there's so many other fuckin' robots out there)

have you visited the quagmire?
have you swam in the shit?
the party conventions and the real politik
the faces always different, the rhetoric the same
but we swallow it, and we see nothing change
nothing has changed...

10 million dollars on a losing campaign
20 million starving and writhing in pain
big strong people unwilling to give
small in vision and perspective
one in five kids below the poverty line
one population runnin' out of time

Yes Imagine is the official anthem but this has a better beat.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

I think therefore I am…… I think – Detritus the Troll- Terry Pratchett (Discword)

Before taking off on a philosophical tangent I must say that the feline is out of the sack, in addition the cat is out of the bag. For those of you yet to catch on Stace is in fact my beautiful wife to be. We are to be married on the 25th of November this year. We have been engaged for a little over 18 months. Thank you for all the good wishes and congratulations.

This is a photo of the two of us taken in Edinburgh (Scotland) at Christmas last year; we may be slightly inebriated I'm not sure if we were I have no clear memory of that night.

Rene Descartes, some would deem the founder of modern philosophy, came up with a simple but brilliant idea. Doubt everything. Take it back to first principles deny every thought and theory and start from scratch.

I exist, thought Descartes. Or do I, he came to the conclusion that he could not doubt that he was doubting for therefore must exist. This f course led to the most famous philosophical axiom….

Cogito Ergo Sum
I think therefore I am

Often confused with the Monty Python axiom taken from the drunken philosophers song I drink therefore I am.

Do I exist?, I think, I doubt, so therefore I am. Yet what if I only think that I am thinking?

"I think that I am thinking there for am I actually being?" –Arnold Rimmer (Red Dwarf)
Descartes although a legend in his time makes no claim to the nature of existence, perhaps I am merely a character in a novel, perhaps, Aidan does not exist it is merely a pseudonym of a reclusive author.

Conceptually millions of possible Aidans exist as alluded to on H E's blog earlier. In the mind of everyone who has ever met me, or read my blog, or has had any contact, has an Aidan stored in their head. For some it may be merely physical messy dyed blue-black hair, blundstone boots, 182 centre metres, fine build. Some may have met me on a big night, and remember how painful karaoke can be. Some may have had a religious debate with me and found me an interesting yet unusual man. All descriptions of me are true all these versions of me are true, yet contrasted none are true. Stace's or my own conceptual Aidan may have more details, intimate thoughts, strange habits, knowledge of my stationery fetish, it is impossible to define a true self.

AT the end of the day one must accept a level of existence, even be it only conceptual. If this is just a movie/story and we are merely characters it is an honour to perform along side you, I just hope it has a happy ending.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

An amazing Sea Horse picture...
Sorry the new of late has been too depressing for thought provoking blogs.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Ah blog I forgot how much time one could spend, working out which crappy Christmas present you would be, or which back street boy are you most likely to marry. That last one was a surprise to me as well. Although it is a good distraction while waiting for inspiration it is time to move on with theories of all things life related.

The older I get, the more I learn, the less I actually I know. I still remember a time were my father was the greatest font of knowledge in the known universe, any question from plastics to botany my father would know an answer. I knew that god watched down over my mortal life and everything would be ok for me and my friends if I trusted in god. That god made the world in seven days there were some dinosaurs god made as a side project but lost interest. Then influences such as La Vey, Bertrand Russell, Watson and Crick shook those foundations, the apparent hypocrisy in all organisations strengthened my resolve, the final nail was the answer was always God. Why does the grass grow? Answer God. Why is the sky blue? The will of god. Why do bad things happen to good people? Two answers for some mystery Gods ineffable will or acts of Satan. All of a sudden the answers seemed too simple, so I moved to physics where the answer is either 1 or zero but at least it is something concrete. The Satan answer changed. When we couldn’t explain something, it was no longer Satan but a new scape goat Quantum.

Teachers at school passed on their wisdom of biology and chemistry, In school I knew human gestation period was 9 months. Then I hit University, hang on I cried 40 weeks that’s 10 months. Another theory crashes down around my ears. Chemistry a simple nucleus and electrons like a merry go round happily circling, All of a sudden we cant even tell where they will be, only a probability of there position or speed and knowing one changes the certainty of knowing the other.. Heisenberg.

Quantum physics joke.

"Doctor Heisenberg was flying down the road in a Ferrari, copper pulls him over and says "do you know how fast you were going? Dr Heisenberg says "No. But I know exactly where I am."

Even the people of the world changed. Where I grew up, the population was predominately Anglo-Saxon and retired. There were a few Greek families all of which owned milk bars, a few Italians who either own restaurants or concreted for a living, and a Chinese family who ran the local Chinese take away. That is how I saw the world. I moved to Melbourne around 18 years later. All of a sudden there are heaps of Chinese people, but I couldn’t find the restaurants. Greeks and Italians who studied medicine, I wondered how they fit it in with all the concreting .

Even with everything that I have learned, I've seen a lot of the world, held several different jobs, studied at university been engaged, about to be married, spoken other languages with varying degrees of success. Yet I am still at a loss as to why a peak hour train is possibly the quietest place in the city. Why most people don’t know the names of any of there neighbours. Why people read tabloid papers, and why we enjoy being afraid?

Every idea, every thought I have ever had has been changed, questioned resolved, re evaluated. To say that I know anything at all is quite a strong statement.

Socratic axiom - All I know is that I know nothing.
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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I awake, my silk pyjamas from Ralph Lauren fall to the ground, I shave my face using the mach 3 as it has three blades for less irritation, the shower runs, I exfoliate, with a loofah from The body Shop. I wash using lynx Africa, with the volcanic particles, mostly because I like the smell. I use Tommy Hilfiger aftershave and dress for work. My shirts come in various colours all from Portobellos Australia; I choose the blue because it is the most striking and masculine. I have a grey Pierre Cardin Tie which goes perfectly with the blue, and to top it off pants from Casual guy, I prefer casual guy as most of the clothes give a sense of individuality, in colour and style.

Breakfast and onto the train I see people everywhere wearing the exact same things, trite ring tones, some cheesy adlib mono tone, I on the other hand have Beethoven's 5th symphony as a real tone, and the sound through my PDA phone is amazing. I went with Beethoven as it has a sense of class and individuality, something which I see in my self.

My MP3 player has tracks which truly define my life, ranging from Simple plan, you know true loss to Robbie Williams I know he doesn’t write his own stuff but his voice is incredible. Sometimes I read, I flick through the pages of the Da Vinci code and try and predict the end, I learn my history from the popular section, but unlike the rest I have all his other books. So I have a better understanding of the Author.

I flick open my wallet at the station to go through the barriers, Billabong has always been the best quality for wallets, I gives me a feel of my home having the surf label having grown up on the beach and all. My credit card is an odd shape and is bright purple I choose it out of the 6 available colours just to be different, my mates card looks crap in comparison.

I trun left towards work, I think people must see me as such a unique being.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

It's all here in blackwhite.

In George Orwell's novel 1984 computers are used by governments to enslave humanity, it is an awesome read with some very cool concepts one of which is Newspeak. My al time favourite term and one very relevant to this day and age and in particular this post is Blackwhite.

Blackwhite- The ability to accept whatever "truth" the party puts out, no matter how absurd it may be. Orwell described it as "...loyal willingness to say black is white when party discipline demands this. It also means the ability to believe that black is white, and more, to know black is white, and forget that one has ever believed the contrary." George Orwell 1984 Principles of newspeak.

We are currently facing a media frenzy in Australia over the death of Steve "crocodile hunter" Irwin who lost his life perusing footage of a sting ray in Australia's North. Just over one year ago it was known that Steve Irwin was a buffoon, an international laughing stock and irresponsible father, See HWT February 24, 2005** . Prior to the death of Steve we knew and had photos to prove he would recklessly dangle infants in front of crocs, who continuously provoked animals without reason, We had footage of him making a fool of not only himself, but of Australians on the world stage, His feature movie.. *shudders*

The last few days we have been shown a new "truth" A gentle man, who loves his children, a fantastic father, a family man, a conservationist, who would never provoke an animal, a simple bloke, modest to the end, all of the large billboards with his photo on them had been airbrushed out, to show that humble side of the man. A man so noble he refused a state funeral from the grave.

In one story we see a man looking deranged and dangling a helpless infant into the jaws of a crocodile, today we see the same man cuddled up around his children and wife, looking happy and a candidate for father of the year. The same people who wrote letters condemning his irresponsibility now sing his praises, in a moment the masses have forgotten ad moved on. From village idiot to model Australian in two swipes of a stingray's tail.

***disclaimer this post is not Steve Irwin Bashing it is merely a good example of human conditioning and ignoring contradiction. Such as army intelligence. This is not to belittle the loss of life of a man who although led a life full of egocentricity and bizarre antics, but did do a lot for conservation in Australia and the world. In truth my heart goes out to his family and children left without a father, not to mention the shamefull media circus circling around his carcass ***


Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Inspired by my incredable wife to be thank you for an amazing weekend

The Joy of Snacks….
(AKA the perfect marriage)

A heap of olive oil

Chorizo and Apple Cider
500g Chorizo Sausages sliced
Apple Cider
Bay leaves*4

Desiree potatoes 400 grams thinly sliced
Brown onion sliced and diced
6 eggs lightly beaten

3 capsicums quartered
egg plant cut into thin strips
cherry tomatoes halved
red onion sliced
sherry vinegar. splash
Several beers (Mexican or Spanish) opened and consumed with a slice of lime/lemon in the top. To be consumed through out the process

Start the morning with a long and frank discussion about where you want to be in three years, and how hard a back packers would be to set up. Fantasise about the perfect location argue over Brisbane or Canada. Describe how awesome it would be to bring kids up around many fascinating people. Argue over what their first language will be French, Spanish or something else. Start preparing capsicum, while partner is not looking steal a piece, pretend they havn’t seen it try and look dignified and say I love ou with a piece of capsicum in your mouth, “uh wuv oo”.. Wait until partner does same pretend it is abhorrent and unhygienic. Kiss her on the forehead. Prepare all the above ingredients as specified. In a sauce pan, fry up onion and eggplant strips in a quarter of a cup of olive oil. Important note any time olive oil is mentioned one must do a bad pop eye impression a ga ga ga ga. Cook until egg plant is golden brown and the onion goes clear Grill capsicum until the skin blisters and burns transfer to a plastic bag seal and leave sit for 5 mins, peel the burnt skin and slice length wise. Point at chopping board, advise you are bored. Listen to respective groan dodge respective punch. Add cherry tomatoes and vinegar, cook for a couple more minutes add capsicum strips and heat through for 5 minutes. Stare lovingly at your partner, until she giggles. Serve garnished with parsley.

Thinly slice the potato, and fry up the potato with onion, in a fair quantity of olive oil (not forgetting pop eye), lightly beat the eggs. When asked to stir the potatoes stick tongue out and go nah nah… Listen to respective groan dodge respective punch.. After 20 minutes the potato will have softened and the onion will have gone white. Add Eggs cook until tortilla begins to set. Pour in fry pan with high sides, cook until fluffy. Alternatively burn the eggs and spend the next three days scrubbing potato from the pot.

Slice up chorizo sausages, drink to silly dreams and the absurdity of life. Chink glasses and kiss. Begin to fry sausages until brown, drain excess oil, add apple cider cook until it becomes syrupy.

Serve in front of Madagascar (DVD), laugh about time in Spain, and watching it in Spanish with a train load of people singing and laughing. Finish last beers, snuggle up, and just enjoy the greatest gift we have…life.