Tuesday, December 19, 2006


Ho Ho Homophobia

My sincerest apologies for the lack of posts of late, but the weight of the holiday season is upon us and with it old fears and anxieties raise their heads. It is with great fear and trepidation that I write this post baring my soul and fears most dark to the world. The illusion of the fearless blogger in search of truth; who laughs in the face of danger, who tweaks the nose of terror, has been shattered. I have handled snakes, jumped from helicopters, been in rooms with no oxygen pumped full of noxious gases, I have seen death in all its forms. Nothing of the afore mentioned has filled me with the terrors most foul of the December months…..

I talk of course of Santa Claus… As early as I can remember I have always been scared of Santa, my earliest photos of myself crying in horror as I am forced to endure the endless questioning of my wants and desires until my parents snatched me from his vile clutches. Even now as I approach my 25th year upon the earth the image of the jolly fat man still fills my soul with fear of unimaginable terror.

What is it about the fat man with the midget fetish that I find most horrifying? I believe it comes from the song entitled "Santa Claus is coming to town" and I quote…
"he sees you when your sleeping, he knows when your awake" – Surely I am not the only sensible being to find this sentiment creepy. If it was anyone else you would take out a restraining order. In addition the song indicates a general air of menace. "He knows if you have been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake" as the penalty is so horrible it is omitted from the lyrics.

I remember as a young fellow setting traps for Santa involving an elaborate series of trip wires placed around the fireplace, coupled with an alarm made of falling marbles into an echoing tin can. But despite my best efforts the beast eluded me, however I did manage to cause significant bruising to my mothers shins with one of the wires that had less give than I thought it did.

To combat this phobia I was forced to face my fears at 17 years of age, my parents made me dress as Santa and lure small children with candy to various forms of Christmas marketing… I believe I still hold the record for the skinniest Santa ever.
As explained by my father
"due to recent medical complications Santa has had to lose weight, the triple by-pass has led to a dramatic decrease in the cookie intake of Santa's diet. " but this was to no avail, I continued to avoid Santa in all shopping centres.

As we approach the 25th preparations are being made: roof to reindeer missiles are being installed, the chimney has been blocked to prevent the annual break and enter in the name of generosity, and we are at elf alert 5 at all sections of the building. Only a few more days remain of avoiding Santa, until we are forced to suffer the easter bunny; that how ever is another tale.

10 Comments:

Blogger Keshi said...

LOL Aidan u make me crack up!

** as the penalty is so horrible it is omitted from the lyrics.

hahaha! Yes I have always wondered that too. I mean as a lil girl I used to sing that song alot...and then wonder what he'd do if I was naughty.

U were the skinniest Santa? awww I like skinny Santas compared to fat old men in red suits trying to look HOT. LOL!

Easter? Hell naaaaaaaaa mean old bunnies scare me!


Keshi.

6:16 PM  
Blogger lee said...

aidan - don't you mean another tail ;).Santa -hideous creature, should be shot on sight :).

11:17 PM  
Blogger Alicia said...

LOL, too funny! I hope you make it through without too many nightmares.

4:34 AM  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

Ho Ho Horror!
SANTA is of course SATAN with the letters switched around..and he is the gateway god of atheism.
Teach your kids to believe in Santa and then tell them later that he isn't real and it is one small step away from believing that god isn't real.
Santa IS Big Brother and he is watching your blog!

8:17 AM  
Blogger Keshi said...

Have a great holiday season Aidan!

Keshi.

8:36 PM  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

Ho Ho Homoescapeons wishes you a wonderful respite from the madding crowds of the great unwashed as you and stace decide who will ride the sacred ostrich through the flaming hoop on equinox day!
Have a Merry thingamabob you lovebirds.

8:12 AM  
Blogger Within Without said...

Sorry haven't gotten around til now, Jolly Ole St. Nick, but this is super funny.

I think the way to overcome this is to get your new bride to wear a sexy Santa outfit Christmas Eve.

You know, the nudge nudge wink wink red negligee -- she doesn't necessarily have to put on a fake beard -- but the Santa hat and easily unwrapped fur-lined red silk top and the hotpant bottoms might do the trick, doncha think?

Just put out a few chocolate chip cookies, some milk, turn the lights down and put on some mood music...

You'll get over this Santa thing pretty quick, I would think...

2:00 PM  
Blogger Aidan said...

I am getting slack with this blog....

KEshi.. i am glad i could make you smile you have seems liked you have needed it of late..

Lee agreed and i love the pun

Alicia: How was Aidan's first xmas, dis regard i will ask this on your blog...

Ho Ho Homo Escapeons.... flaming ostrich.. why not, better than basing your moral code on the advice of a talking bush... or george.

Within: long time no see, i will run it past the boss... no objections from my end.

12:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Porn Movies
Download
Porn



Sex movies
XXX Images

Free Porno
Free XXX Clips
Free Sex Video Clips
Free Hardcore
Porn

Porn
Free Porn Videos

7:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Porn Movies
Download
Porn



Sex movies
XXX Images

Free Porno
Free XXX Clips
Free Sex Video Clips
Free Hardcore
Porn

Porn
Free Porn Videos

2:16 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home