Monday, October 30, 2006

Keep having huge moments of writers block, I wonder how HE and WW do this every day.

Today is the sudden realisation of that I am no longer meant to be a kid… it is now a grand total of 25 days left to go before saying good bye to the single life, sitting around in my underpants and a wasting my life watching the adventures of my fellow bloggers. It is of course 25 days to the wedding, the rings have been bought, although I believe the language of Mordoor would have been more romantic. The flower girl is getting more excited (yes that is possible), the best man is keyed up for the bucks night, the celebrant has been worded up, the photographer is practicing his aim… It is all falling into place. But….

Shouldn’t I feel like an adult…

Growing up, primary school, days of wedgies, wet willies, and songs with the words whoopsa daisy in them.. a time were the Mullet rained supreme as the height of fashion, you could wear bike shorts and not own a bike, a child in the eighties, time passed I filled my head with knowledge, history of Australia, basic mathematics, the deep and disturbing look into the caterpillar psyche which is “The Hungry, Hungry Catterpillar”.. Bows, arrows, toy guns and surf life saving… Maybe once I hit high school I’ll feel like a young man.

High school a time of beatings, long bus trips, noticing girls not noticing me, sex education *snigger*, erratic grades, quake, doom and MIRC. Meeting the best mates I have ever had in my life, most of which I still see. First kisses, well more a saliva exchange program, shouldn’t It happen then the responsibility of somebody heart, shouldn’t one feel more responsible then. First break up, it came down to Blizzard Entertainment’s Starcraft or her, but it was a great game. Search and rescue, carrying corpses, picking up suicides, bits occasionally falling off, face to face with death at the age of 15 surely then… but no I just had stories to make my female friends go green. Flying aircraft, the life of friends and family resting in my hands, mum had to drive to the airfield I would fly a plane by my self for an hour, then mum would have to drive me home, as I was not old enough to drive. The death of a friend, I thought that would change things, I lost a really good friend when I was 16 he was 15, killed by a car collecting money for charity. Still not sure how that affected me, even thinking back now, I smile when I think of his antics, and I still think about the last thing I said to him. I had seen a lot of death, my early days I spent on a bowls club (lawn) helping my father, it wasn’t unusual to loose a friend a week, but they were all in their eighties+ had live rich lives, at 16 years of age it struck me how much promise and potential was lost that day. Even surrounded by death I still did not see my self as a man.
Then the 90s were amazing times, the DVD killed the video star, the murder of the radio star still remained unsolved, boy bands roamed the earth in search of greener pastures. My love affair with Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson began, first concerts and great nights.

Maybe you become a man when Loosing your virginity? It was 15 minutes in pure ecstasy, inclusive of the time to put my clothes back on and eat the pizza.

I thought to my self, after high school, university is what makes you a man. One bad semester, most of which a blur, of big nights and socialising, scrapping some study together in the end passed most classes. Decided uni was not for me, for I joined the Air Force, nothing makes a man out of you like military service, so I was told, so I yelled and screamed and shot plastic targets with high accuracy. DUXed the college, but I still felt the same I was just stronger and fitter.

I saw that you got nowhere in life without that bit of paper, I went part time military, and back to the books, 5 changes in majors in the course. Meteorology, physics, chemistry and finally settling on Molecular Biology, yet my secret love with philosophy, couldn’t let the science nerds know that. 3 years of advanced study, surely then I would be a “man”, I met Stace in my final year, you would think taking 6 months later I proposed,
Me.“will you marry me?”
Stace “Yes”
Me “really?”
Stace “yeah ok”
Me “oh I guess we are engaged then”

Engagement parties and the “shock” of friends, surely now I would feel adult, grown up, mature. No shortly after I was swimming in a public fountain. World travel and new horizons, still no change.

Now I am 24, getting married, living away from home, doing grown up things but I still feel like a big kid. I still act like a big kid, I still do silly things for my friends and Stace’s amusement… maybe after I’m married, if not there is always kids…

Now where did I leave those underpants?


Blogger Stace said...

Being an adult is a difficult thing to define. I would suggest that your ability to act adult when required, deal with difficult or complex situations, and acknowledge your own child-like behaviour pretty much qualifies you as an adult. There's no harm in being a kid all your life, so long as you can step up and do what's gotta be done when necessary. I love you exactly as you are, so please don't change!

5:11 PM  
Blogger Aidan said...

STill feel like a kid, i would call my self a good kid. I can be responcible when i need to be.. Surely i should feel "different" though...

Maybe i am just a taller version of peter pan..

Love you too:)

5:44 PM  
Blogger Stace said...

I don't feel particularly adult. I still dream of working part-time in a cafe or bar, zooming around on a scooter, escaping into fantasy novels, dying my hair pink, getting tattoos, having more body parts pierced... if you're stuck in childhood, then I'm stuck in adolescence!

5:52 PM  
Blogger Aidan said...

cradle snatcher:P
SIlly dreams, we can atleast make a few come true my love, the post was not meant to be depressimg or self pittying, just a reflection so much has changed yet i am still me..
*no idea if that makes sense or not*

If we have a cafe am i still on caffiene restrictions?

5:55 PM  
Blogger Stace said...

You're ESPECIALLY on caffeine restrictions if we have a cafe!!! Anything else would be dangerous.

6:00 PM  
Blogger Within Without said...

Uh, can I interrupt you two just for a sec?

This is brilliant.

The adult part is the getting a job and the degrees and all that experience you both have had, first separately and now together.

It's the living through the death of a friend and making that part of you, as you have.

There's no big spotlight that comes on you and someone says, "You! You're an adult now!"

Legally, you're well past that. It's not about age, it's about experience and emotional intelligence.

And this stage you're both about to enter is a biggie, for sure. Things'll change, big-time.

But don't order up the obituary just yet. Wear pink hair, pierce to your heart's delight (well, it's not one of my faves), make underpants jokes.

Live. Still live. And have fun. Don't worry about labels and feelings you THINK you should have.


9:06 PM  
Blogger Aidan said...

Thanks within, i do have a habit of thinking just a tad too much:)

Life does seem to be a collision between expectation and reality. WE are brought up beliving the worlds is a great place and if you work real hard you get what you want.. But it is not that simple.
The expectation is you should know your an adult, however reality seems to be a lot more confusing and fun.

12:52 PM  
Blogger Within Without said...


Sorry if I sounded preachy. Didn't mean to, but I think you two are perfect together.

Don't need any huge complications; although thinking is good, feeling is better.

8:54 PM  
Blogger Aidan said...

no i respect your opinion.... i still have a lot left to learn and i am having a ball working out the universe.

In the words of douglas adams, the answer to life the universe and everything, and the ultimate question of life are mutually exclusive.. SHould a person know both in the same universe, they will merely be replaced by something even more inexplicable....

Chances are this has happened before.

As i have said previously always give an honest answer, and honest comments. Dont worry about preachiness.

9:12 PM  
Blogger lee said...

Unfortunately at this age you are perceived as an adult and have to act the part in hoo. I have a responsibility above and beyond the norm(which I have never mentioned over yonder and daresay never will) and it's these adult responsibilities that remind you that you're a "grown up" -BUT the girl is definitely still in there -the childish part that won't be beaten down no matter what!

2:29 PM  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

What a brilliant essay.
I am a few weeksaway from 49 and in many ways I feel exactly the same as I did when I was 24..even younger.
I still love to blast screeching guitars on the stereo, but now my ears ring..thanks to years of pounding the drums.
The big difference is that my hormonal levels have plummeted and I don't look at life as one huge competition for territory and mates..the reproducing kind not the Aussie term for buddies.
My oldest daughter is 21 and I can still relate to her trials and tribulations with one exception..I am not a firm believer that the good old days had anything on today. We humans have never figured it all out and atleast now many of us can openly admit it.
You and Stace have only one promise to keep and that is to not second guess the other. Ask.Talk. Don't be afraid to argue if you are passionate about something but keep in mind that winning a battle to lose a war is a recipe for disaster.
You both seem amazingly compatable;intelligent, curious and hopeful. It is so exciting to be where you are...relax..enjoy the moments. Don't worry about growing up Life will deal you some surprises soon enough.
I think that your being near death experiences bolstered your mature outlook on the fragility of our shows in your writing.

6:43 PM  
Blogger Aidan said...

"I still love to blast screeching guitars on the stereo, but now my ears ring."

Old school rocker, after the wedding no reception we are kicking on to The Hard Rock Cafe. Wedding dress, full tux, and hard rock!

Stace and i talk all the time, she is everything from best friend, personal commedian, shoulder when i need it (when i am not being stubborn), definately my anchor to reality:)

Its odd seeing my parents, there is some definately adult about them, compared to myself. i think that is all i am trying to say. i just used a few pages to say it.

Thanks for the comments every one.

7:51 PM  
Blogger Stace said...

Am not everything! Just me :)

9:11 PM  

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