Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Recent Editions to the oxford esoteric dictionary
Thanks Stacy for the email.

TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a
deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was
responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot
of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb
success and advancement by sucking up to the boss
rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day
swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something
loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over
the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to
applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive
Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children
and one of them stops working to stay home with
the kids or start a "home business".

SINBAD. Single working girls. Single income, no
boyfriend and desperate.

STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being
stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking
the crap out of an electronic device to get it to
work again.

ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organizational layers
beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions
that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the
dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.

404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web
error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested
document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you
realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've
hit 'reply all')

BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking
home after a booze cruise at 3am.

BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe
arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too
drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and
where you've come from.

BOBFOC. Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

BREAKING THE SEAL. Your first pee in the pub, usually
after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your
bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every
10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS. Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple
of Britney's please"

JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence,
the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant.
The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that
staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their
level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e.
extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but
there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in,
you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night
while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks
away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly
packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on
Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the
stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed
instead.

NELSON MANDELA. Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager)

PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her,
so she looks like she's got four buttocks

SALAD-DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person

3 Comments:

Blogger Stace said...

Darn, if I'd thought that was blog-worthy material I would have put it on my own!!! :)

1:01 AM  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

That was Fantastic. I love those cheeky terms, especially Blamestorming, Seagull Mgr.,Assmosis, oh crap they were all funny.
Great larf.

1:50 PM  
Blogger Darius said...

Funny! Like the Prairee Dogging especially.

8:17 AM  

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